Saturday, September 8, 2012

F&F

How to look past all (white) lies and to trust fully again.

I've never been good at judging people. It's like my inability to detect different accents (so.shiat at that). I take everyone at face value and at the point of time I'm thinking it might be a bad thing for me seeing that ultimately I'm the one getting hurt. Wait this is all very irrelevant to the part on white lies. I don't even know why I included white in my sentence. It's not trivial and ultimately it hurts even more.

I remember how I found out about things I'm not suppose to know one day, I brawled my eyes out in my bedroom alone and was very late in meeting a friend for dim sum. And he talked about certain stuff, tears welled up and I pretended to yawn. (I know, I'm a moron) I wasn't angry. I think I would've taken it better if it came earlier. Or if I heard it from that person directly. But I didn't. All I felt was this heart clenching pain of unworthiness, and how I was used and blatantly stupid. I wasn't worth the truth and I still had to put up a front that I was okay because.. yes, I am a moron.

The other day someone asked me if twas weird that he told his girlfriend that he couldn't trust her. It's not. It's sad, but it's not. and when you finally can let your guard down and trust entirely again, that person might just be the one. or.. a great master liar waheyyy.

At this point of time, I'm still me and have not learnt my lesson from above. I take some things with a slight pinch of salt now. I choose to believe the best in everyone and that I deserve truthfulness and if I find out shit again, I've got only myself to blame.

Life's fun like that.

No comments:

Post a Comment