Thursday, August 23, 2012

Actual holiday starts now

So my summer holidays has been annoyingly shorten due to unforeseen circumstances.
That was well annoying but now that I've got absolutely nothing on my hands, I feel weird not doing anything productive / knowledge gaining. Mind you it's been only 2 days since my exam ended - why can't I just relax and not think about anything.

I am such a weird person.

So now, a new goal is required and that might be to actually get fit.
Proper fit.
That's not much of an educational goal but, still a goal, right.
The only problem is that I am perched in Singapore currently - where the food's sick. Dieting is obviously going to be a massive chore and also, I'd hate to be a wet blanket when I'm out with my friends all 'I dont want to eat'.

I will eat in moderation and exercise and I'll be fine... I'm a fuckin worry wart. I'd admit it.

On a more serious note tho, a lot's been on my mind and it's sad how I've got no one to tell things to because simply - I've got no one to tell things to. I do per say, friends, best friends, best female friends and ooh, boyfriend. But I've been problem free for so long that it feels odd opening up again. Like, I imagine them thinking 'Where's all these coming from?' 'Must be the this / that / whatever recent life changes' Because people are so prone to associating things too quick, massive fallacy. Or maybe they're right, I'm just not admitting it. Also I don't say anything because I don't want to get judged. Some things are best left unsaid. Most importantly, I don't want to hurt. Rather me than them right, I love them too much.

I just wouldn't have any problems if I had a goal. If I knew what was going on. If all these ifs will stop popping in my fuckin brains. If if if if .

Might be hormonal changes due to current change of medication. Meh, maybe.

Also I can't stop thinking about how I was told that I was 'Second to her'. Bitch please, I'm second to none and you don't come and hurt me when I've done absolutely nothing (Recently, obviously) to you. Second? Why am I even thinking about this? I am most definitely not second so you can fuck right off. I might not be first anymore but you don't have to rate me. I am nothing to you, so don't rate me. Do I look like I was standing in line for you? No. So don't rate me.

This massive lack of endorphins is making me very upset so it's about time to run.

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