Monday, August 27, 2012

How a Women's Mind Work

Pretty warped.

So today's thoughts. How I lost a friend due to the army and the distance. and possibly psyco fuckin gf. How I lost myself amidst the crowd. How I am so angry at God for having me on. How obstacle after obstacle are thrown at me. How I hate the day coming to an end. How fighting against tear ducts are becoming a regular thing. How I hate seeing you leave. How female I am. How I can't find my bloody sports bra to go for a run because I need it so bad. How I wish I've got unlimited funds to do whatever I want. How badly I want a job. How much I want to have my own place.

On a happier and more important note to remember, I like how the boyf popped into the cafe I was in the other day just before my exam. T'was such a pleasant surprise. Literally uncalled for that's why I was extra surprised. No one's ever done that for me before. I remembered how my eyes lit up and sported a grin so wide that I had to control myself in case my cheekbones got perpetually stuck in that ridiculous position. I was very happy.

And I only wish for myself to be as happy as that moment for a very long time because being sad is unnecessary.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Actual holiday starts now

So my summer holidays has been annoyingly shorten due to unforeseen circumstances.
That was well annoying but now that I've got absolutely nothing on my hands, I feel weird not doing anything productive / knowledge gaining. Mind you it's been only 2 days since my exam ended - why can't I just relax and not think about anything.

I am such a weird person.

So now, a new goal is required and that might be to actually get fit.
Proper fit.
That's not much of an educational goal but, still a goal, right.
The only problem is that I am perched in Singapore currently - where the food's sick. Dieting is obviously going to be a massive chore and also, I'd hate to be a wet blanket when I'm out with my friends all 'I dont want to eat'.

I will eat in moderation and exercise and I'll be fine... I'm a fuckin worry wart. I'd admit it.

On a more serious note tho, a lot's been on my mind and it's sad how I've got no one to tell things to because simply - I've got no one to tell things to. I do per say, friends, best friends, best female friends and ooh, boyfriend. But I've been problem free for so long that it feels odd opening up again. Like, I imagine them thinking 'Where's all these coming from?' 'Must be the this / that / whatever recent life changes' Because people are so prone to associating things too quick, massive fallacy. Or maybe they're right, I'm just not admitting it. Also I don't say anything because I don't want to get judged. Some things are best left unsaid. Most importantly, I don't want to hurt. Rather me than them right, I love them too much.

I just wouldn't have any problems if I had a goal. If I knew what was going on. If all these ifs will stop popping in my fuckin brains. If if if if .

Might be hormonal changes due to current change of medication. Meh, maybe.

Also I can't stop thinking about how I was told that I was 'Second to her'. Bitch please, I'm second to none and you don't come and hurt me when I've done absolutely nothing (Recently, obviously) to you. Second? Why am I even thinking about this? I am most definitely not second so you can fuck right off. I might not be first anymore but you don't have to rate me. I am nothing to you, so don't rate me. Do I look like I was standing in line for you? No. So don't rate me.

This massive lack of endorphins is making me very upset so it's about time to run.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Donut Know

What am I doing with my life but,
hello as long as I'm happy, let's gooo~~

Literally just want to move somewhere and start anew and be me again. Newer me, maybe. Untainted, a bare canvas for everyone to paint, no judgements, no expectations, no lying.