Monday, December 24, 2012

Supposed to be

Something's wrong with me.

I must be reading too much shit that has caused this whirlpool of emotions and rhetorical questions for myself. It's 79minutes past Christmas midnight and I'm being mopey, in my hotel room. My sister's right next to me but I feel lonelier than ever. Christmas is meant to be happy, what's taking it away from me. Maybe because everyone around me doesn't give a fuck about it that's probably why. Or this massive lack of sleep and too much tv. Or this pessimistic feeling about my relationships and the future and how old I am getting. Im only 21 so I dont know where's all this stress coming from but I just want it to be over soon.

My Christmas wish is to sort myself out. No more tears you weak shiat. And no more space for people who don't care.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Worth

Is it worth all this heartache at all or not.

Hormones I bid you adieu and hope to never ever see you again.
Womenly pains. Urgh

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Tuesday in Liverpool in Instagram

So it's really about time this space livens up and I should jot down memories that actually matter.

There's a lot actually but since the boyf wants to hear all about my day in Liverpool,
(despite him being with me throughout the whole day),
here goesss *.* 
(Oh God feels so weird to be blogging about my day)


So I took a day off (I say day but really, all I had was a lecture from 11-12) uni,
woke up at 545am to catch my train at 708am. 
Walkin through Selly in the morning darkness was creepy but I managed with a hood up.

The 105minute train ride was lovely,
 I've always loved long train rides in the country side with soft seats. 
Obviously not referring to the trains in Singapore,
it's not soft neither is it in the country side. 


Got picked up at the station and I was starving despite the am cereal.
Up north is well cold, my fingers were numb so we shared a pair of (his) gloves,
and stuff my other hand in his coat pocket.

Also tried looking for a leather glove but I was too picky to settle for one.
Women. Yes.


Breakfast was at Leaf, some massively hipster indie cafe which serves
a lot of tea.... 
Kippers and scrambled eggs with rockets for breakfast, 
and croissant and tea. 
Breakfast was perfect. 

Also may I add there was a very cute jack russell (which fondly reminded me of my pepper)
shivering outside while waiting for his owner. 


The wind blew us up towards the Liverpool Cathedral, 
it was literally resistance training walking against / away from the wind.
We had eggrolls from a chinese super market along the way,
amazing, I can't believe I didn't eat any egg rolls for CNY this year.

The Catheral was massive, and impressive. 
I don't know why it's littered with candles tho because it's not a very
christian now is it.

  
As we walked towards his University, I saw this and LOL-ed.
Precinct. bahahaha precinct.
What a vintage word.
Who says precinct loool. 


Rapey being a tourist in his University. 
Campus, obviously not as lovely as brums but can't deny most people look better.
and dress better here. Might be the cold, I don't know.

Got the daily telegraph with chocolate and sat down in the guild for a bit,
gangnam style was playing and I learn something new that day,
he was saying oppan not oppa.
-.-



Went for coffee at a lovely starbucks,
tried the Pumpkin spiced latte which was hmmm roasted.
T'was alright but green tea handsss down. 

                              

So Kam went all 'Let's go shopping',
we literally walked around for 10minutes before we left town for late lunch.
Men.. Shopping should last for hours.
To be honest though I wouldn't last, it has gotten boring.
Unless it's a thrift. 

Enroute to lunch, I took a picture with this Peacock Lambanana.



The Brink Cafe, England's first non-alcoholic pub.
But but but, it's called a cafe..
whatever it is, the decor was lovely.
So quaint and more importantly, peaceful and quiet.


I thought he looked like Sylvester Stallone here loool hahahahaha.
Hench*.* 


Tapas for starters, first time trying tapas.
My dislike for olives is lessened when dipped in hummus.


Quarter pounder for mains with positively,
the best chips in town.
So crispy on the outside, and warm and soft inside.


Carbonara instead of fish and chips,
carb overload but I always eat better with company.
And at the corner you can see the hipster instagramming away.
#nochance
#mustinstagramfoodwhileitgetscoldinfrontofme
shit hash tags.


For dessert we got caramel tea, amazing carrot cake and...
a banoffe pie omg.
So good, can't believe I've not tried it before. 
I'm gonna make a healthy one by this week to see if it'll taste the same,
but with half the calories *.*

Also the worse thing happened after dessert when Kam's parents,
unexpectedly, walked into the cafe.
My heart stopped beating for a bit, 
and he (hilariously) jumped into the seat opposite and put his coat over his face.

We ninjaed out anyway.
The rest of the anxiety is best kept in our memories.
Literally have never felt so much terror in my life before.


An outfit picture after I calmed down, this was taken infront of some garden.


The... train station? 
Okay I highly doubt that because the train station's further down.
It was just a lovely building which I couldn't resist taking a picture of.

Liverpool's a much prettier town than Birmingham so I was obviously,
wowing at everything. Like a tourist.


We strolled back to the train station and I watched him leave again,
this time it wasn't so bad.
The first time was the worse.
He likes taking a picture of me before he leaves,
I donut kno why because usually I look the worse then.

Goodbye baby I'll see you in a bit.
or never whoooop!!!


Can't wait for December/January,
I'd rather greet this station than see the dreadful New Street.
It really isn't very pretty.
And also I love sleeping on trains,
except I wake up every few minutes to close my gapping mouth.

Gots to look glamourous all the time, init.

okay as if, my mouth doesn't gap.
I wake up to check my phone's there.
Literally can't afford to lose another iPhone.
Wallet pain.
xx

Monday, October 15, 2012

Saturday, September 8, 2012

F&F

How to look past all (white) lies and to trust fully again.

I've never been good at judging people. It's like my inability to detect different accents (so.shiat at that). I take everyone at face value and at the point of time I'm thinking it might be a bad thing for me seeing that ultimately I'm the one getting hurt. Wait this is all very irrelevant to the part on white lies. I don't even know why I included white in my sentence. It's not trivial and ultimately it hurts even more.

I remember how I found out about things I'm not suppose to know one day, I brawled my eyes out in my bedroom alone and was very late in meeting a friend for dim sum. And he talked about certain stuff, tears welled up and I pretended to yawn. (I know, I'm a moron) I wasn't angry. I think I would've taken it better if it came earlier. Or if I heard it from that person directly. But I didn't. All I felt was this heart clenching pain of unworthiness, and how I was used and blatantly stupid. I wasn't worth the truth and I still had to put up a front that I was okay because.. yes, I am a moron.

The other day someone asked me if twas weird that he told his girlfriend that he couldn't trust her. It's not. It's sad, but it's not. and when you finally can let your guard down and trust entirely again, that person might just be the one. or.. a great master liar waheyyy.

At this point of time, I'm still me and have not learnt my lesson from above. I take some things with a slight pinch of salt now. I choose to believe the best in everyone and that I deserve truthfulness and if I find out shit again, I've got only myself to blame.

Life's fun like that.

Monday, August 27, 2012

How a Women's Mind Work

Pretty warped.

So today's thoughts. How I lost a friend due to the army and the distance. and possibly psyco fuckin gf. How I lost myself amidst the crowd. How I am so angry at God for having me on. How obstacle after obstacle are thrown at me. How I hate the day coming to an end. How fighting against tear ducts are becoming a regular thing. How I hate seeing you leave. How female I am. How I can't find my bloody sports bra to go for a run because I need it so bad. How I wish I've got unlimited funds to do whatever I want. How badly I want a job. How much I want to have my own place.

On a happier and more important note to remember, I like how the boyf popped into the cafe I was in the other day just before my exam. T'was such a pleasant surprise. Literally uncalled for that's why I was extra surprised. No one's ever done that for me before. I remembered how my eyes lit up and sported a grin so wide that I had to control myself in case my cheekbones got perpetually stuck in that ridiculous position. I was very happy.

And I only wish for myself to be as happy as that moment for a very long time because being sad is unnecessary.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Actual holiday starts now

So my summer holidays has been annoyingly shorten due to unforeseen circumstances.
That was well annoying but now that I've got absolutely nothing on my hands, I feel weird not doing anything productive / knowledge gaining. Mind you it's been only 2 days since my exam ended - why can't I just relax and not think about anything.

I am such a weird person.

So now, a new goal is required and that might be to actually get fit.
Proper fit.
That's not much of an educational goal but, still a goal, right.
The only problem is that I am perched in Singapore currently - where the food's sick. Dieting is obviously going to be a massive chore and also, I'd hate to be a wet blanket when I'm out with my friends all 'I dont want to eat'.

I will eat in moderation and exercise and I'll be fine... I'm a fuckin worry wart. I'd admit it.

On a more serious note tho, a lot's been on my mind and it's sad how I've got no one to tell things to because simply - I've got no one to tell things to. I do per say, friends, best friends, best female friends and ooh, boyfriend. But I've been problem free for so long that it feels odd opening up again. Like, I imagine them thinking 'Where's all these coming from?' 'Must be the this / that / whatever recent life changes' Because people are so prone to associating things too quick, massive fallacy. Or maybe they're right, I'm just not admitting it. Also I don't say anything because I don't want to get judged. Some things are best left unsaid. Most importantly, I don't want to hurt. Rather me than them right, I love them too much.

I just wouldn't have any problems if I had a goal. If I knew what was going on. If all these ifs will stop popping in my fuckin brains. If if if if .

Might be hormonal changes due to current change of medication. Meh, maybe.

Also I can't stop thinking about how I was told that I was 'Second to her'. Bitch please, I'm second to none and you don't come and hurt me when I've done absolutely nothing (Recently, obviously) to you. Second? Why am I even thinking about this? I am most definitely not second so you can fuck right off. I might not be first anymore but you don't have to rate me. I am nothing to you, so don't rate me. Do I look like I was standing in line for you? No. So don't rate me.

This massive lack of endorphins is making me very upset so it's about time to run.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Donut Know

What am I doing with my life but,
hello as long as I'm happy, let's gooo~~

Literally just want to move somewhere and start anew and be me again. Newer me, maybe. Untainted, a bare canvas for everyone to paint, no judgements, no expectations, no lying.

Monday, July 30, 2012

-

Shouldn't have read that.
Ironically I could hear my inner self telling me to save myself and click the x button on top but I can't, curiosity's got its hold on my fingers which absolutely refused to switch.it.off.
Why am I digging my own trench, or am I? I always think that extra knowledge is harmless but really? Least I'm prepared for what's about to come?
Whatever it is, I asked for it and I best pick myself up if anything happens. Afterall, I did convince myself that I'm a 不倒翁

Also, the face I once saw every single day is now gone. I can't decide if I should be sad or not (clearly these tears are not instructions from my brains) but hey change is inevitable sooo, suck it up biatch :P

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Don't know

Why I dive into things knowing I'd get hurt in the end. Why unhappy thoughts flood my mind when being happy is very easily attainable. Why I get myself into situations like this. Because, better knowing and trying than regretting never having tried it. I foresaw this coming when I stopped the medication as you've warned me. Back to no.1, and also you make me want to be a better person.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

01

I'd tell you something for I am very afraid.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Humpty Dumpty

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just because of what others did, doesn't mean I'd do the same neither do I deserve the same. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If not karma will come chasing you.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Friday, April 27, 2012

1

Thanks for making me feel like a prisoner.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

2012 01

Week10 of uni, Tuesday.

My usual morning routine's to wake up 7ish (insomnia) and have a super hearty breakfast.
Today, had the worse nightmare in my life, woke up and burst into tears.
I don't blame the nightmare, I don't blame this distance, I blame you and I for changing.
Way too much, too much.

Time to pick up and move on baby girl because you deserve way better than this.
So do you, (i'm also just saying this to make this impartial.)

But no, I don't think you deserve better.

Monday, January 2, 2012

hello 2012



Omg, how long has it been.


So basically i've started uni in Birmingham, UK and have absolutely... no time to blog.
For some reason time passes much faster here.


Ok no scratch that, now that I do not have my car I waste a lot more time walking/running around/to campus.
I'm always up to something and also, there's no one like Sara/ my sister to help me take outfit pictures anymore hence..
the mega hiatus. Also it's weird to start taking pictures on some random spot in uni.
Imagine you, looking at this girl on.. smu's campus taking an outfit picture (granted it's not even as nice as brum's but still)
you'd totally lol.


Everyday's basically the same type of fun as well, go to uni, run around the mega campus, library, sitting on grass, go back change and get smashed subsequently and the day starts again.


I also do not feel the need to blog anymore because my flatmates/Singaporean friends are mega camwhores.
Everything's on facebook and pictures say a lot, there are no words to describe a night at some club.


think i'm boring everyone here so.. i think i'll update on London soon.
My family just dropped in on the eve, and now I've some decent non-party pictures to post up hurrah!!